"live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. practice wellness. play with abandon. laugh. choose with no regret. continue to learn. appreciate your friends. do what you love. live as if this is all there is." Mary Anne Radmacher

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Gratitude

You've heard a LOT about Andrew.  So has pretty much everyone in my life.  As I was soaking in the tub tonight (this is a VERY dangerous place for me to be ... I get epiphanies ... I get emotional breakthroughs ... all kinds of things happen while soaking in the tub) I finally figured out how to explain why I feel the way I do about this man.   Thankfully I have a very understanding husband who gets me ... who is comfortable with himself and confident in our marriage.

I've been trying to figure out how to explain the impact that Andrew has had on my life.  When he met me ... I was in a VERY bad place in my life.  I was so frustrated, so unhappy with almost everything in my life, so in need of lifeline.  I liken it to being in a very, very deep hole.  I would try to claw my way out of it, only to get so far and then lose my grip and fall back down again.  This happened time and time and time again for more years than I care to admit to.  I desperately needed help.  I just didn't expect it to come in the form of my RMT.

About a month before I met him, I made a conscious decision to shake up my life.  My husband and my house were sacred ... everthing else was up for negotiation.  Then my body seized and took me to "him".

I honestly thought he was a complete wing nut the first day I met him.  He told me about the program and I saw a light at the end of the tunnel ... and it wasn't even a freight train.  I saw a way out of that deep, dark hole.  But I was afraid I couldn't do it.  It would mean changing a LOT of things in my life.  I honestly didn't know whether Barry was going to support this or not.  I mean, I had tried ... and failed ... many, many times in the past 20 years.  Why was this time going to be any different?  I fought Andrew the first couple of weeks.  I tried to negotiate.  But he basically said "it's my way or the highway".  He stood up to me ... wouldn't back down ... made me accountable.  THAT was what I was missing.

For some still unknown reason ... I trusted him implicitly ... if he told me to do something, I did it.  If he said no, I didn't.  I didn't question (although I asked questions I wasn't questioning whether he knew what he was doing) I just did.  Barry tried to figure out how to get me to obey him as much.  Yeah .. not gonna happen ... TOTALLY different type of relationship.

7 1/2 months, 38 pounds and 36.5 inches later, I am a new woman.  I sent him a picture of me from shortly before I met him.  He didn't recognize me.  I was fat, blond and tired. He showed my pictures to someone today.  She couldn't get over the difference.  I think I gave her hope.  I'm hoping that I can show people what can be done.  Yeah, I had to change the way I cooked, the way I ate, the way I work out.  But what I got in return has been a new body, a new attitude, a new confidence that I can, and will, accomplish great things in my life.  I told Andrew today that sometimes I look in the mirror and I don't recognize myself.  It occurred to me later that I didn't just mean physically.  I mean, I look at this woman and she's so different.  She smiles all the time.  She laughs a lot.  She has hope for the future.  She knows she's meant to help others and to accomplish amazing things in this life.  It's a little overwhelming.

So when I go on about Andrew this, and Andrew that ... it's because of the ENORMOUS impact this man has had on my life.  Yes ... I've done the work.  But he has guided me, encouraged me, and yes, even scolded me from time to time.  A little tough love does wonders.

And Barry has been phenomenal.  I couldn't have done this without his love and support.  He could have tried to sabotage me.  A lot of men would have.  But instead, he has supported me, reminded me when I get a little off track (I love to push limits and both of them can attest to).

So I have Barry on one shoulder cheering me on and Andrew on the other shoulder encouraging me, advising me, keeping me on track.  It gets a little noisy in my head sometimes ... lol

So do I have a little crush on Andrew?  Absolutely!  Does Barry have anything to worry about?  Absolutely NOT!  When someone has that kind of impact ... it's hard not to be incredibly grateful.  And yes, a little smitten.  At least that's the way it is for me.  Gratitude is such a scarce commodity these days.  But man, I've never been so grateful to one human being in my life. I am a new, improved woman who wants only to help others be the very best that they can be.


Until next time...

S

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